Carnivore’s Loss

Today we mourn the loss of Al Bernardin, the inventor of Quarter Pounder, the artery clogging concoction from McDonald’s carnivore paradise. This signals the end of the American way as we know it. Reported to be a lovely man, volunteer for hospice, business leader, and Dean of Hamburger University, Al died of a stroke at 81 years of age. Al also invented the frozen french fry, a McDonald’s delicacy equaled by no other. I will think of Al this afternoon, and every afternoon when I step over to Dogwood Drive and pick up the McD’s bags and rappers tossed by passing motorists who graciously offer me their trash without charge. Al’s contribution to demise of cattle everywhere is not well recognised, nor is the cause of the clearing of South American jungles, where 70% of such deforestation is due to the expansion of cattle ranches in order to feed fast-foody Americans.  We cannot speak ill of the dead, and I know of nothing ill to be said about this gentle soul, and the Donne poem tells us every death diminishes us all.  Our rear views are undiminished by the consumption of Quarter Pounders, those oily fries, and I, believe, Mr. Bernardin’s other contributions to the culinary world such as McDonald’s pies.  I will think of him every time I see a party of fat bottomed folks pull into the golden arches and hope that Al has plenty of burgers where he is going and I trust they won’t be well done.  Bye Al, hope you’re lovin’ it.